the goggles.

there's this chinese/hongkong guy in my batch who wears goggles for glasses hence his nickname "goggles". he is the very jinjang and i think he thinks its cool to wear those weird-ass goggles to hospital. and well, i dont talk to him for obvious reasons... (FREAK!!!)

so one day, my friends and i went clubbing. it was an asian night, so i wasn't really looking forward to it because it was gonna be so jinjang. but my friends ajak, and it would be a laugh anyway. but im SO glad i went, it was actually really fun and i never knew asian chicks were so hot it has changed my view on them.

ANYWAY, as soon as my friends (some were girls) and i went onto the dancefloor, i noticed goggles! and the worse thing is, he noticed me too. shit! which made him come up to me all smiley-like so i had to be all smiley-like back.

goggles: hi! (smiley)

me: hi!... (smiley back)

goggles: hwaaaa! so you playing up the girls nyaa!! (cuz i was dancing wit these girls)

me: hehe... yeah man!

goggles: hwaaa! (smiley)

me: yeah... you playing up the girls tonight too!?

goggles: hwaaa! no man, i'm gay!

me: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (i swear i thought he was joking)

goggles: no really, i'm gay. (suddenly serious face)

me: HAHAahoahah... oh ur serious... fuck. (then i panicked and i didn't know what to do so i started patting his back in consolation) ... well thats okay. pat pat. thats okay...

goggles: thanks, yeah, its okay... (and he started patting my back too- wtf?)

it.was.so.awkward

... and then i turned and walked away... and laugh/cried SO HARD cuz that was so fucking embarrassing and weird and i really don't deserve this!!!

What. The. FUCK!?

the venapuncture.

udah tahun ketiga saya dia perantauan belajar perubatan ya. ini tahun kena buat benda2 clinical seperti ambil darah.

jadik, saya ambil darah dari patient ini. perfect! sekarang, turn kawan aku pulak. malangnya, tiada patient yang mau diambil darahnye oleh student. jadik, nurse ni pun jadi volunteer. dia tidak tahu itu kesilapan yang amat besar sekali.

jadik, kita masuk bilik tepi kecil saja. kawan aku duduk berdepan dengan nurse. saya dan doktor berdiri di tepi2, mengoverlookkan procedure ini.

bahan dah prepare, so kawan aku ni ambil jarum. bila dia dah almost nak masukkan jarum itu ke dalam tangan nurse ini, something unexpected happened.

tiba2 terdengar bunyi prrrruuuuuuuut!

kawan aku ingatkan meja belakang aku tertolak.

salah.

sebenarnya, aku terkentut...

doctor terus tgk aku. "syaz..." dia cakap dengan penuh kehampaan sambil goyang2 kepala.

akak nurse pulak terus tgk i dengan mata paling tajam di dunia. mungkin sebab kepala dia paling dekat dengan buntut i.

kawan i still x tau, until i started laughing.

i cuba tahan gelak sebenarnya, tapi susah, ...sebab timing kentut itu sangat perfect dan memalukan.

so tergoncang-goncanglah bahu i menahan gelak, tapi sambil tergoncang2 itu, benda yg lagi unexpected happened...

"prut prut prut prut prut prut" kentut i sambung lagi. keluar mengikut timing pergerakan bahu i pulak tu! yaAllah tak henti2 mcm machine gun!

at this time i was stunned, shocked, appalled at what my body was doing. i swear, it was a surprise to me too. tapi i still gelak.

by this time, kawan aku still determined nak ambil darah, jarum hanya 1mm away,tapi tangan dia tergetar2 menahan gelak. dia terpaksa settle down sebelum meneruskan procedure ambil darah ini.

yaAllah malu gile.

but things settled down ok... semua dah okay... sampai....

...datanglah bau.

omg punyelah busuk, sumpah rasa cam nak bunuh diri masa tu. ni mesti makanan india i lunch tadi. tapi i still x gerak2 dari tempat tu... i rasa mcm kalau i buat tak tau, it never happened. la de da de da...

i shudve left the room, bau akan ikut kan? at least i boleh selamatkan my friend, the nurse and the doctor daripada pengalaman ini... tapi x, ...i stay. sebab nak tengok kawan i ni amik darah. BODOH!

kebusukan itu punyelah lama tergantung di udara... and then i perasan bilik tu jadi senyap gile... rupa2nya diorang tengah tahan nafas! mana tak, aku sendiri pun tahan nafas! ohmygod...

sekarang kita sudah tahu perumpamaan "malang tidak berbau" itu salah.

patut digantikan dengan "malang berbau kentut pengiran syazwan" contoh penggunaan: Kesian dia accident kereta... memang nasiblah kan... sebab malang berbau kentut pengiran syazwan.

terima kasih.

the horny dog.

i had to go to a patients home to interview him about his disease.

this patient had a dog. and during the whole interview, i think the dog was humping my leg.

... yes. it was humping my leg. a dog... was humping my leg. humping... hump.... sex.

it was licking my shoes, licking its thingy, shaking back and forth, and whimpering like it was...

...fucking me.

it was SO HARD(pun not intended!!!) to focus on my interview! the patient obviously saw how distressed i was by the situation and so he said:

patient: aww toby really likes you! ... so where are you from?

me: Malaysia (yeah he suuuuure does! help!)

patient: oh thats nice... you guys eat dogs right?

me: wtf? no, God no! ahem that would be the vietnamese. (i wish there was a vietnamese person right now!)

patient: oh, and how about the chinese?

me: oh they eat everything. (a chinese person would be useful too...)

my clinical partner: but surely they're more civilized now.

patient: yeah but not the ones living in the jungle.

@.@

im like WAATHHEEHELLLL this is not what im supposed to interview you about!!!

...and get this dog off me!!!

the rat.

i was away in malaysia for 2 weeks right, so my housemate's brother faruq slept in my room while i was gone.

one day, (the day i came back) he woke up from my bed, looked down, and guess what he saw...

...a dead baby rat

dengan penuh selambanya, he knocked on ezman's room and said:

faruq: i think i slept on a dead rat.

ezman: what? HAH?!!! went to my room to look at it. AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!

apparently, it had crawled under him at night, and he accidentally suffocated the rat to death.

like wtf kan. my jaw always drops when i remember this.

the doppelganger.

i was sitting right in front of my housemate syed zahid when my laptop made the skype sound. someone wants to chat with me!

this is the skype chat:

syed zahid: hello your name? *stupid handshaking emoticon*

me: looks at my housemate... looks at my laptop... looks back at my housemate. hi. umm ur ryt next to me?

syed zahid: hi too.

me: this is so freaky! what. how. i don't understand!!?? im scared...

syed zahid: where r u from plz

me: jangan buat bodoh dengan saya boleh x? cuz i thought it must be a prank from ezman or millie.

but then...

-syed zahid has disconnected-

wtf?? then me n zahid ran up to his room to see who's playing his computer. but nobody was there. and... his skype wasn't even on. and nobody else was in the house.

holy shit... someone call the ghostbusters!

the birthday surprise.

it was 20th february, saturday, my birthday. but i had to help out with malaysian student's society of manchester (mssm) chinese new year celebration for all malaysians in manchester at the student's union main hall because wehehey im a committee member -_-

so the ceremony went on and all of a sudden in the middle of everything, the emcee announced who's birthday is this month? then suddenly annis pulled me up to stand, and the whole hall(basically the whole of manchester as in malaysians) sang the birthday song for me, and a cake showed up with candles, and i had to go to the middle of the whole hall and blow the cake and everyone clapped and it was amazing and im like holy shit i did NOT expect this.

there were so many other surprises on my birthday... it was so amazing...

the flash mob.

OMG MY FIRST FLASH MOB EVER!!!!!!

here's how it went down:

first of all, me and my girlfriend spent the weekend in venice for valentine's day, and the timing was perfect because it was also time for the venice carnival!!! you know, when everyone dresses up in costumes and have masquerade balls and wears masks and everything!???!!

anyway, it was saturday night, me and my lady was at the main square where everyone was because the stage and shows were all there. we were just going through the crowd when...

gf: babe look, everyone's stopped moving.

me: what? omg. its a flash mob. stop moving.

gf: ok. omg...

me: omg there's someone filming this.

gf: omg.

me: omg.

after 5 minutes, the person who filmed it blew a whistle, and EVERYONE cheered including us!! we screamed and clapped with everyone and then someone started making a line like rumpum, rumpumpum cha! and we all joined in the line and laughed and smiled with the pretty lights and costumes all around.

it was truly magical.

happy valentine's day baby.